So here it is, the biggest mental challenge for all moms, and to be honest it’s very much a dad thing too. Mom guilt is a pervasive feeling of doubt, anxiety, or inadequacy that many parents experience regarding their parenting choices and actions. It’s that relentless voice inside your head questioning whether you’re doing enough, making the right decisions, or being the best possible parent for your children. Here are some unconventional but effective ways on how to deal with mom guilt:
The Problem with Perfect
Let’s get one thing straight: Perfection is a myth. The idea that we can be perfect mothers, with perfect kids, in perfect homes, is a societal construct designed to make us feel inadequate. So, the first step to conquering mom guilt is to reject the pursuit of perfection, discard all you have been taught and allow your children to teach you. Embrace the chaos, the mess, the loud, and the imperfect, this is something I struggled with for a long time and then I started being proactive.
Learn to Let it go:
I used to beat myself up over every little mistake. Forgot to brush their teeth? Guilt. Didn’t cook them vegetables for dinner? Guilt. Yelled at the kids? Double guilt. But here’s an idea: Laugh at your mistakes. Seriously, find humour in the mishaps and when it comes to what I call the Discipline guilt, Remember your kid will be just fine if all you are doing is shouting too much or putting them in time out, I mean back in the 90’s you would be considered lucky if thats all you got and that was a great generation compared to today.
Create Your Own “Mom Time”
Society tells us that being a good parent means sacrificing everything for our kids. But here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup. So, schedule “mom time” into your week. Yes, I mean put it on your calendar like you would a dentist appointment. Whether it’s a solo trip to a café, a long bath with a cheeky wine, or binge-watching your favourite show, make time for yourself. And do it without guilt. When you’re well-rested and happy, you are a better parent!
The Art of Saying “No”
We’re conditioned to say “yes” to everything: PTA meetings, bake sales, play-dates, and more. But saying “no” is an art form that every parent needs to master. Your time and energy are precious, and it’s okay to protect them. Practice saying “no” without explaining yourself. It’s liberating and necessary for maintaining your sanity. You don’t need to impress anyone, someone is bound to have an opinion or to judge your parenting so why not just give them more to talk about and stop trying to please them.
Embrace the Power of “Good Enough”
Striving for “good enough” is not settling; it’s thriving. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom; they need a happy, present, and loving one. So, if dinner is takeout instead of a home-cooked meal, that’s good enough. If the laundry is a bit behind, that’s good enough. If the kids watched a bit too much TV today, that’s good enough. Perfection is overrated; good enough is where the magic happens.
Connect with Real Moms
Social media is a highlight reel, and comparing yourself to other parents online is a surefire way to fuel guilt. Instead, connect with real moms who share their real stories. Join a local mom group, or simply chat with fellow moms at the park, I know this is not fun and so uncomfortable for some of us but its the only way to put yourself out there. Sharing the highs and lows of motherhood with others who understand is incredibly validating. If your lucky you will find that mom that matches your crazy.
Teach Your Kids About Failure
Failure is a part of life, and it’s important for our kids to understand that. When you make a mistake, use it as a teaching moment. Apologize if needed, explain what went wrong, and show them how you’re going to fix it. This not only helps them develop a healthy relationship with failure but also takes the pressure off you to be perfect. For instance, when I say a bad word I also have to go to time out for 5 minutes, and think about how my language is a representation of me.
Write Your Own Story
Forget what the parenting experts say. Write your own story. Trust your instincts, follow your heart, and do what works best for you and your family. Every family is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Embrace your individuality and own your journey. Plus your kids are inevitably gonna end up blaming you for something that messed them up along the way, so learn to laugh about it and love your way of parenting.
Final Thoughts
Mom guilt is a sneaky, persistent beast, but it doesn’t have to rule your life. Remember, you’re not just a good mom; you’re an amazing mom. Embrace the chaos, love fiercely, and laugh often. You’ve got this Mama. Please share your your mom guilt story in the comments below. I would love to hear it.
Be kind to yourself!
This is so relatable. Beautifully written 💖